Decision Points and Changes of Scenery

Decision Points

Former Pres. Bush is coming out with a new book, entitled "Decision Points". Supposedly, it's something a memoir, something of a series of case studies in his life. I don't think you can call me a big fan of GWB - two dangerously mismanaged wars, trillions of debt added, blind eye to structural economic inequities perpetuated by education/healthcare outcomes, lack of intellectual curiosity, collapse of a world economy among others, etc. - but I think the premise of the book is an interesting one to consider: in our lives, we all come to certain decisions in our life that greatly define who we are, not just influencing or impacting. I'm trying to think of such decisions in my life, and I'm coming up with blanks. The biggest decisions in my life thus far have been...well there really haven't been any. The question of whether or not I should go to college and pursue a degree wasn't really a question; for if I answered "incorrectly", I'd face a barrage of torment and annoyance from my dear mother. The question of whether or not to have children has been decided thus far by a number of factors, chief among them a.) income b.) age and c.) not wanting to deal with the little twerps. The big question of "what to do with my life" is a work in progress, and probably will be for some time, so there haven't been any real "decision points" in that regard, except almost completing an M.Ed in Education. I do anticipate finishing that up within the next year or two. But that doesn't necessarily mean my overarching calling in life is to be an educator (actually, dealing with all the bad beer here, perhaps my call in life is to liberate the Koreans from the oppression regimes of the Hite, Cass, and OB Brewing companies).

Majoring in Political Science wasn't much of a question, as I knew I'd like the subject matter. I can't say I regret getting that degree, even though I'd be the first to acknowledge it's lack of inherent value in this globalized economy of doom that we find ourselves in (to my young college-bound and college-entrant friends - if you're of the mind, get a degree in engineering, mathematics, or something science-related. It will most likely pay great dividends in the future). That being said, studying Poly Sci and the related subject matter has probably changed me. I guess you could say I am a much more realistic person than I was five years ago graduating high school, where I was an outspoken idealist. Then again, so have the events of the last five or so years (Are we really dealing with a $1.3 trillion dollar deficit while also facing a declining middle class, lackluster pension schemes, and a healthcare system that is due for only marginal improvement due to that big political push we all witnessed?).

Perhaps the biggest decision point in my life came one month ago, when I found myself singing in dramatic and loud fashion to the tune of Barbara Streisand's "Woman in Love" after one-too-many cocktails. Not. exactly. my. finest. hour (The decision, btw, was to never combine Babs with a rum and diet. Bad things abound after such a mix). Who knows, perhaps tomorrow I will wake up and decide on something grand, something that will be a real "decision point". Until then, my next biggest decision involves whether or not to play Madden or go to bed early, as I'm tired.

I'm betting on the 49ers.

With More Change Comes More of the Same

One change I've noticed in myself these last few months has been the wearing away of the novelty of being abroad. For me, it's not adventurous, unique, or even foreign. Don't get me wrong - I am enjoying my experience in the Land of the Morning Hangover - but the experience has been almost domestic. I've seen things here I'd never see in the United States - men walking around with purses while being completely heterosexual, managers of grocery stores peeing on the side of a nearby competitor's store while being consistently intoxicated, and teenagers running up to me saying "Nice to meet you! You are handsome!" (more creepy than it sounds) - but the experience hasn't been earth shattering, and none of my pre-conceived notions have really been challenged or altered. And I could use something that would shatter my earth.

I take that back - Korean curriculums are not what they're cracked up to be back home. Evidence here (this is seriously the crap that we have to work with, and the reason why my BAC is 15% higher on average than it was back home).

The Gathering Storm

I woke up this morning to howling wind and fiercely pelting rain on my apartment. In a somewhat unusual situation for the Korean peninsula, a typhoon hit the entire country. Power went out, schools were either delayed or cancelled, and shoddily-built umbrellas were dispatched without mercy. Within a few hours, though, the storm had passed, classes came back into session, and I suppose new umbrellas were purchased (?).

Greed is Go(o)d

In the "This should piss you off if you're paying attention" segment of today's news, it's been reported that CEOs of firms that laid off people in 2009 made more money than their counterparts in companies that did not ($12 million on average). This includes a number of firms that were fairly well-positioned despite operating in the worst economic cycle in America since the Great Depression, and who were already making profit. Story here.

There is class warfare in America, and we're a bunch of fools if we don't recognize it.

There Are Always Reasons For Hope

Things might be bad - the bad economy, environmental disasters, Paris Hilton's cocaine charges, etc. - but there's always hope.

Ramblings and Such

- I had the good fortune of talking to one of my best and closest friends today, Bryan. We were musing…ok, moaning and bitching about how things have not turned out the way either of us would have wanted in terms of life at twenty three, and the fact that we can’t necessarily define what it is that we would have wanted. I think he exhibits a healthier attitude towards certain things than I do; he’s more logos whereas I am more pathos. I came into the conversation feeling lethargic and somewhat pissy after a mediocre day of lessons and teaching. I wasn’t on my A game to be sure, and I’m afraid it translated into the students being more apathetic than usual. I left the conversation feeling much more uplifted than I did coming in to it. Thank God for good friends.

If you’re wondering what he said to cheer me up, btw, it can be stated as simply que sera, sera. Nnneeeeeeee!!!!!

We’ve been friends for quite a long time, since 2000 I believe. We shared 8^th grade math together with Mr. Smith, who himself was quite a character. He referred to me as “buckethead”, for some reason. I guess my head looks like a bucket, I don’t know. I’m not exactly certain what brought on the conversation, but our friendship started when (I guess) I had mentioned something about watching a movie in which the main character was on a 747 and the flight attendant literally threw herself on him (“Would you like coffee, tea, or me?”), hit the good foot, and did the bad thing. For whatever reason, he didn’t give me that “What the hell are you are talking about?” look that I’d been used to for some time, and instead replied “I guess that was PAM AN Airlines!”, making a play on words from Pan Am. Two algebra lessons and twenty other crap jokes later, we were best friends. Still are to this day.

- It’s not an overstatement or an invitation to ethnocentrism to suggest that Korean society is homophobic. For whatever reasoning, many Koreans to this day won’t even acknowledge gay or lesbian people as having a different orientation from heterosexuals; they simply need a vaccine or something to cure their desires of whatever ails them. The influx of Evangelical Christianity on the peninsula certainly hasn’t made things easier for our brothers and sisters here, to be certain. Yet all the men wear man purses and spend countless hours doing their hair. Thus, there’s a new term to be invented: “He’s not gay; he’s Korean.” God love ‘em.

I had a girl in class today that had a pencil case with an English caption on it. It read, “Happy Virus.”

…

Think about that one for a second. Happy Virus. Two words that should not be thrown together, like blue apple, or Jersey Shore. One of the most entertaining parts of Korean society is the bad English that’s strewn along the t-shirts, backpacks, and other garments that most people wear.

Then again, Happy Virus does not measure up to the best line I’ve seen so far on a t-shirt: “I’m sorry, but I do not accept credit card.” Oh, honey, you’re just opening for business, aren’t you?!

On the lighter side of things, my mother is appearing in a number (at least 2) of commercials on behalf of the Titus campaign/AFSCME, attacking Joe Heck for his record on various issues. Whether or not the ads are effective, one thing is certain: Phyl is a star.

Back in 'Merica, Thinking about Tomorrow.

It’s been an interesting, invigorating, and reflective last week. I’ve been back Stateside visiting friends and family in Las Vegas and in Upstate New York, while also taking a side beach trip to Southern California. The break has been very much needed, but what I really need is a break of different sorts; I need a mental break. It seems that at any given moment, there are about 4 or 5 things running through my mind that cause me stress, delight, confusion, joy, angst, hunger, depression, and amazement. Perhaps this is the case for most people and they just don’t readily admit it, or perhaps I’m a few prescriptions away from being labeled as certifiable. I think a lot of it has to do with being 23 and wanting to do a lot while not knowing what exactly that is. I’ve found it useful to compile a short-list of the things that I want within the immediate 2 years and the coming 5 years: to be debt-free, conversational in Korean, more knowledgeable in history and politics; and, perhaps most importantly, learn how to relax and not let my wandering meandering mind control me. Speaking of the meanderings, here are the Top 5 thoughts running my head the past couple of days:

Marx was right – history is the tale of struggle between the wealthy and everyone else

Since high school, I’ve read textbook accounts of life for the ancients, during the medieval periods of European history, during the Industrial Revolution, etc. Basically, life for most people was a dreadful existence. Depending on your lot in life and the time period in which you inhabited, you were either a slave, serf, or common worker disposed to dreadful conditions. Oh, and you had to battle the common afflictions of malaria, dysentery, and plague-themed diseased. To be certain, we don’t have all of that in the West today as once existed…at least in the sense that general human existence isn’t perilous. But the metrics for judging the progression of a society (wholly subjective, I grant) indicate in large measure that things haven’t really changed all that much. The wealthy still control the world – not just exert wide-ranging influence, but control.

http://sociology.ucsc.edu/whorulesamerica/power/wealth.html

This gives you some idea as to how wealth is spread.

In the US, a mere 10% of the population wields 85% of its wealth. Now the more politically conservative and ideologically capitalist segments of society would roll their eyes in contempt for a person even bringing that number up. For whatever reason, they seem to find that it’s fair a few hold the lion’s share of the GDP pie. Is it really fair that everyone else – most of whom contribute to that GDP and wealth creation – don’t get to share in the prosperity? In the last twenty years, wages have remained stagnant, and even declined for most people if you account for inflation. At the same time, healthcare and education costs have skyrocketed, BUT the United States has seen some pretty fantastic growth in the money pot overall; that is, there is more money to go around due to the hard work and increased productivity of most people. Yet we don’t all share in it. The story has been that the rich have gotten richer and everyone else has been ignored and shouldered to the side. The 2001 Bush tax cuts and the Capital Gains cuts of 2003 are examples of this, with their havoc being wrought on the federal budget further proof that the Republican Right doesn’t care for anyone with a net income of less than $1 million. Then again, the Democrats haven’t exactly been inspiring anyone as of late.

So more money is being created (even seeing healthy 5% GDP growth at some points during the generally dark Bush year), yet wealth is being even further redistributed from the bottom 80% on up. That’s a funny little phrase, redistribution of wealth. Why do those on the left seem to clench their lips when getting in that discussion or debate? I would personally welcome it. Pres. Obama got in trouble by saying that we need to “spread the wealth” to Joe the Plumber (isn’t he a correspondent for FOX News now?). Something is a miss to me about what all the fuss is about, given that so many kids can’t get a decent education, retirees‘ pensions and social security are in trouble, and we have people dying due to lack of health insurance. Do we really want to live in a society that celebrates the glamour of a few at the expense of everyone else? Then again, much of the inequities in the system can be placed on the people in the Republic, for only half vote, and many that vote end up voting against their own economic interest due to things like guns, gays, and God (who’s just ecstatic that our society doesn’t seem to value the sick or poor like those damned agnostic Europeans). In this sense, the Democratic Party should have our sympathy on the left – how can you convince people to vote for you if they’re willing vote against themselves?

I just don’t know.

There are a few things that I know, a lot more that I don’t.

I know that I’m very tall and freckly, and that for whatever reason I get on well with most people.

I *know* there is a God, that He/She/It/Platypus is beyond comprehension (which is more than just a convenient cop-out to not explain things), though I don’t know why God makes it so difficult to locate Him/Her/It/Platty.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t even know what not wanting to do with my life even means, except that it gives me far more problems than I should let it…especially in light of the fact that every voice of reason around me tells me to shut the hell up and quit the bitching over the worrying (though the voices do so in ways much more tactful and elegant, to be certain).

I don’t know what the purpose of my life is to be, and I do know that I find it particularly frustrating because any well-lived life requires a purpose, whether the person living that life creates his or her own purpose or finds an “external” purpose to which he or she attaches to.

I know there are people in my life whom I love very dearly. I don’t know why one or two of them has had such a profound effect on me, particularly when the love was not returned in kind.

I don’t know why the only place to get a sandwich at the Syracuse Airport is before security and not after. Seriously, Kitty wanted a pastrami.

I don’t know why I sometimes refer to myself as Kitty. It gets disturbing and ridiculous for some, I’m sure.

I don’t know why I feel better for laying all of this out there. I just know that I do.

I need chipotle. NEED.

I have a 6am to SFO and then an 11am to Seoul this Friday; I will need massive Chipotle burritos to bolster my spirits and see me through.

Marriage is (mostly) a sham heteronormative construct.

Think of all the married couples you know, and the people that have been together a long time in your lifetime. How many of them made it work? Like actually made it work? The kind where they’ve been together beyond something that could be labeled as co-dependency or doing what was required of them? I can only think of a few. Perhaps that’s because the idea of marriage as this holy great thing is a big load of crap. Jesus was never married, and I never remember reading anything in the Bible that spoke of marriage as being something elevated beyond chastity (though I’m certain to be corrected…and I welcome it!)

I love apple pie.

Seriously.

Time Goes By Fast

I'm making this post at 8:44pm on July 12, 2010. The last post I made was just over two weeks ago, which just flabbergasts me. I could swear I made my last post one week ago, not two. But such is the case of our existence - time is so short, and life really does go by quickly. The last four or five years have been a real blur, which contrast with the immediate four to five years that preceded them (high school). That itself is a testament to the strong memories that I hold from being really really young. Then again, I'm 23. I'm not exactly Oldy McFarter...just yet. That being said, I sometimes feel like it. The last week has been an eventful one in some respects, but it's also been equally reflective.


Hwaseong Tour
This past Wednesday, all the Native English Teachers (NETs) in my region were treated to a little tour around the area in which we inhabit. We had three stops - 1. A royal tomb 2. A soap-making bit and 3. The site of the March 1st Independence movement. I have to admit, I wasn't fully cognizant of what was happening for the first two, as I was just enjoying the scenery and greenery of what was around me on the first and absolutely intent on not making quality soap on the second.

The March 1st movement site, however, seemed to be a catalyst for a set of reflective opportunities for me throughout this week. I could go into a big history lesson about it, but I think the wikipedia article here does more justice to it than I could (though not as much as the Koreans here) - click here. Basically, Colonialist Japan was noted for its extreme brutality towards subjugated countries, both before and during World War II. The atrocities committed by the Japanese were terrible affronts to humanity, and the visit to the memorial of the March 1st Independence Movement was a sobering reminder of the great evil that is capable of being executed through human hands. Stories were told of soldiers torturing - and even mutilating - civilians. My co-teacher from the Philippines recounted stories of babies being thrown in the air only to land on the bayonets of Japanese soldiers in her native country during World War II. Without going into further graphic detail, the history that I've read up on for the last few days has surfaced some very important questions that have been in the back of my mind that I haven't truly resolved. Namely, Theodicy; or, "The Problem of Evil". How does a just and loving God allow such iniquity in this world? I've answered these questions before with a somewhat dismissive answer involving the nature of God as working through human beings. This is entirely problematic for a host of reasons, the greatest two of which I find are 1. human beings are prone to selfishness and internal conservatism (protecting one's own at the expense of everyone else) and 2. the evil borne throughout the world, the pain inflicted on others and experienced by them are such that the existence of that loving and just God HAS to be questioned. To not do so is to be an intellectual fraud, which I feel I've been the last few years in trying to deal with this question. The simple truth is that I don't have an answer. I don't know where God is when entire armies literally rape and pillage villages. I don't know where God is when children are sold into sex slavery, as still is the case today. I don't know where God is when an evil megalomaniac is able to kill 12 million men, women, and children under the guise of purifying the human race. I don't know where God is during the thousands of years of unbelievable pain and suffering that human beings across the planet have gone through. Christ died on the Cross, yes. That was a terrible fate to suffer. But at least (in the Christian tradition) it had meaning. Where is the meaning in the millions (billion?) of other crucifixions? Pray that we find the answer.

Human beings are decidedly messed up creatures at their worst. Of course, the opposite also exists. I've read of and seen extraordinary acts of kindness, generosity, and love by many people - theists and atheists alike, Christians and non alike. I'm in a weird place right now spiritually. All I can say right now is that both life experience and religion have taught me the same thing: be kind. Love others. Lying, stealing, cheating, etc. all lead to worse outcomes for everyone involved than if we all decided to be responsible and honest with one another. It's all one big Game Theory. As my lovely Liz Ashbaugh says, "Always Cooperate".

All these questions lead me to more questions about my own existence and my own purpose for being. At the moment, the purpose is simply to learn as much as I can about my surroundings (language classes soon! Though you'd be surprised how much common courtesy and a smile will get you, in the East and the West). Atheism to me just doesn't work, as there has to be some proximate cause to all of this. By "all of this", I mean life, consciousness, existence, etc..."all of this". Randomness can't seem to fit my perspective. But reconciling a broader sense of purpose in the human experience with the horrific acts we all commit against each other is not small potatoes.

River Rafting
Yesterday, I did something completely and utterly out of character - I went out into the great outdoors. Aided by a number of good traveling companions, an air conditioned bus that play Boondock Saints on a big screen, and plenty of rest-stop breaks, we roughed it against a series of small and not-at-all intimidating river "rapids". The "rapids" were not at all problematic; the bouncing our asses in the air to get our stuck raft off a massive boulder, however, gave me a big red ass; indeed, what was once a hyperbole phrase now is fact. All in all, it was great fun. The scenery was absolutely brilliant, and the company kept was great fun. Posted on the flickr (link below) are some pictures that I took.

Teaching (my job)
As much as I have been having theological questions that serve to make me eat bad peanuts and drink cheap beer (which is dreadful in Korea, by the way...please Jesus, make this USA-SK free trade agreement extend to beer imports, as that 100% tariff serves only to prop up bad SK beer companies), I have to say that I enjoy my job. There's not a ton of stress involved; in fact, the most difficult part is getting me to focus. That has admittedly been a problem since I was...conceived, I suppose, but once I do focus on something I generally tend to fare well in the final analysis. But work is quite good. The kids are what make it so entertaining and enlightening. I want to mention a few key personalities without mentioning their names (that I can't pronounce without verbal dissection):

"Sue"
This is a 5th grader who reminds me of Hillary Clinton - and I voted for Hillary, mind you. She's exactly what I picture when I hear of Koreans being described as pushy (which is a Western sentiment applied to an Eastern culture...it's not fair to compare apples to oranges, even if we're all fruit). We recently played a game of "Blazing Pens", where two students from opposing teams come up to the board to unscramble a sentence and write it out as fast as possible. The winner earns a point for his or her team. While Sue is great at conversation, her teammate was far better at grammar. So she pushed him up to the board. And I mean that exactly as it is written: pushed him. She then looked at him with that look that suggests death is a real possibility if failure occurs. He took his team all the way to the final round, undoubtedly motivated by fear of his impending doom if he loses.

And then he lost in the final round. Sue was not at all happy. I raced over to her and said "Honey, it's going to be ok. Please don't hurt him." She certainly didn't know everything I said, but the boy came to class during our next meet. I might have saved a life.

"Matty"

Matty reminds me a lot of me at his age of 10 years old: intelligent, humorous, and wildly undisciplined (some things never change, in my case). His family situation has been described to me as tenuous, as his parents don't seem to get along. I can't help but set him aside as one of my favorites, because the kid has so much potential in spite of the circumstances he finds himself in; he would also do well with more challenging material. One word of note: there is a decided difference between having favorites and playing favorites. One is a natural function of life; the other is adultery.

"Jen"

Jen is one of the funniest little kids I've ever seen in my life. One day, I took off my flip-flop (which I get to wear in class, as you can't wear formal shoes...yes!) and she ran over, grabbed it, and ran around the room with it. When I tried to recapture it, she ran some more. I chased a little Korean kid around a room for my damn slipper. I eventually won when I pretended to forget the matter, started to teach, and got them into book work. Just as I was roaming the class, I jumped into action and retrieved my stolen flip flop. Every time I have her in class, she points at her foot and grins, as if to gloat that she took Foley Teacher's flip flop. Fair one, Jen. I'll get you too.



Alright, I must log off. I need to post more often, and I shall - not everyday is an adventure worth posting 5,000 words, though. It's a great gig I've found, and a very important part of my life that I'm living out. But I still eat, drink, go to the kitty box, and work as I did back home. The eating, drinking, and even the kitty box are different, however. I do have iTunes radio, cheese sent from my wonderful aunt and uncle in New York, and consistent assurance that the San Francisco 49ers will undoubtedly underperform to keep me from going insane due to a lack of Western intervention. That, and I get two channels of the BBC here ^^. That being said, if you're reading this I do WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I miss you. More than you know.

Photos posted here.

Korea (in Pictures)

So I thought I'd upload some photos from Korea (because I've been severely lacking on that front for the last...month now? Jeez time goes by). Because blogger.com hates me - or I'm too lazy to figure it out because of the 2,404,583lbs of pizza I just ate (that had alfredo sauce in it...very exciting!) - I uploaded all the photos to a flickr account posted here. Click on "sets", as the photos are organized by categories...roughly.

Tell me your thoughts and let me know what's going on! I'm recovering from a tonsil infection, which marks the second time in as many weeks I've been out of action due to illness. I'm feeling much better than I did yesterday, though I think the nurse was having a little too much fun with my backside once she was done with the needle (is it really necessary to jiggle my ass for 15 seconds after? Eh, when in Rome). In any event, I should be back up to full speed soon.

Alright, the agenda for the week ahead - 1. get better 2. get regular with exercise/diet 3. learn hangeul 4. carry a camera EVERYWHERE. There's some fun stuff here to post, and I hope to share it with you. Weekend trip to Seoul, maybe? Maybe...

Quick Update

Hola mis amigos. I've been gone at a school conference with 200+ other teachers for the last few days. It was a heck of an experience, both professionally and socially...especially socially. I think one of the most fantastic things about teaching in Korea is that you get to meet a whole host of people from different backgrounds and countries and make friends with them. Friday and Saturday nights are not lonely, that's for damn certain...and they're sure as hell fun. I went out to a Mexican restaurant last night with a group of friends, and it was pure ecstasy to sink into a burrito filled with rice, beans, chicken, and cheeeeeeeeeeeese. La Casa Teresa en San Jose? No. But it got the job done. I love Korean food - I really do. There hasn't been a problem acclimating to the food here in that respect. BUT I do miss some of the tastes from home. 1st order of business once I get back 13/14-Aug in Las Vegas is a steak dinner with a baked potato, just frigging loaded with cheese/sour cream/butter (2 sticks if possible)/chives/bacon/death in general. I'm sure you can get it here, but 'Merica does beckon from time to time.

I've gotten past the sinus infection I went through last week; thank you to all those who asked what my condition was. I feel great now. Speaking of which, I've found myself becoming more and more reflective as of late on the condition of things...which is really saying something. I am very blessed. Not just relatively - how many people went without food or housing this evening across the world, let alone traveling to foreign places and having a great time doing it? - but subjectively. I've got food in my belly, a roof over my head, a fun job that I enjoy more and more everyday, a bunch of people that miss me back home (that I miss terribly, particularly where Phyl is concerned), and $1.30 for 500ml of beer at the local 7-11 (GS25 here, where it's "fresh, friendly, and fun" according to the adverts), where you sit outside of and pass the time with friends. My only gripe is that I hit my head on things more often here than at home, but when you're Godzirra in Korea, I guess that's to be expected. I'll post more specific and concrete things happening in my life in the days and weeks ahead (if I can get concrete; I'm a creature of the abstract...thus the philosophical crap tonight), but for right now I'll leave with this thought: I'm pretty damn lucky.

Oh - there's not a damn bit of decent cheese on this entire peninsula outside of Costco. Guess where Godzirra is going this weekend? ^^